As most of you know I have an autistic son, and I recently got him in to a preschool. Very exciting. Basically where I was going with this is that I think he is doing so much better with his speech just after two weeks of school. I am amazed, they are doing such an incredible job over there. He is attending Keizer Elementary where we live, and only goes two days per week but the  difference in his talking is undeniable.

I had to fight with his doctors for just under 2 years to get him evaluated, and into a program to help him. I have a real problem with the length of time it took for his doctor to realize that I was not just some wack job and actually knew what I was talking about.  The rise in diagnosed children with Autism is on the rise for some reason in the last decade and it is alittle scary. For the longest time I blamed myself for his disability. Most of that I am sure is just guilt.

There are so many different things associated with having a child with this disorder that it is really easy to get caught up in the myths and different supposed causes, such as genetics and vaccinations. There has been no link to the vaccinations that our children receive (other than it is a required vaccine that ALL children get not just the ones that end up with autism) so I personally do not believe that could be it. But the genetics arguement is one that I am trying to understand more about because I have a brother that is moderate to severely Autistic. So I have often wondered if I should have had children knowing that I have a family history of it. (Hence the guilt) But then someone could argue that you should not have children if alcoholism runs in the family because future generations will also be prone to it.

Very confusing.

I just wish that there were more options for parents like me in my area. It is something that I will struggle with for the rest of my life probably because I at this point do not know if my son will ever be able to be a functioning adult on his own. I know that it is way too early to try and discern because he is only 3 but it is still something that I think about almost daily. It is down right depressing at times, to the point of I am unsure if I should have had other children for fear that I will be unable to devote all of the attention that I need to him. Also I have learned that it can put an enormous strain on a marriage. I think that it is really hard on my husband (and myself) that he is disabled and cannot always control his actions, demands more attention than his sister, and that he is not always the most friendly child to be around. It is so stressfull.

My list of the most stressful things at the moment……

• The attitude
• Not eating
• His anger/violence towards everyone and everything
• Not knowing how to discipline him appropriately
• Object fascination (right now it is spoons, knives and swords)
• Not being able to do the things that I want to do with him, or take him the places that I want him to see
• Lack of communication with him

And there are many others that I just don’t feel like listing.

I am just a a loss of what to do at the moment. If there is someone out there that has some advice I would surely love to hear it. Anything helps or anything that helped you through would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!!

Tags: autism, early intervention, frustration, guilt, preschool