SKFoxy

I am so excited that I am able to go back to work. I am sure those of you that have no desire to work or don’t have to so that you can stay home with you kids are thinking that I am just horrible. But I get so stir crazy being home with my chitlins.

Don’t get me wrong I love them, I really do, they just drive me insane. I have been so accustomed to working my whole life even after my other two were born that for me to have been home as long as I have been was excruciating. There are days when I wish that I could just stay home and be with my kids so that I know everything about them and their day. But for us we need both incomes so I am hoping that with me back to work that it will relieve some of our household stress.

I am working for a construction restoration company in Stayton ,Oregon. I love it. My boss is great. He is a really nice guy that is really laid back, which is perfect for me. I can’t stand to be micromanaged. Don’t get me wrong he is there when I need him or have a question but for the most part he lets me do my thing.

The hours are flexible for my kids (which is an absolute necessity) and the pay is not too bad. The only thing that I really don’t like about it is that I have to drive about 20 miles to get to work.

Well gotta go, Brinley is complaining and I am headed out the door to work. Have a good one.

So I am having this baby on Sunday! Finally…. I went to the Doctor on Wednesday and I am dilated and effaced enough to induce. I am so excited!!!!! The main reason that we are inducing (other than I am miserable) is because I am showing signs of preeclampsia. The sudden severe swelling, migraines, raising blood pressure, loss of hearing and vision. It’s horrible, and it is painful to say the least because of the swelling.

So Sunday March 23rd, 2008, at 8 am I am going to be going to the hospital and being induced. I hope that all goes well, and I don’t have to have a c-section or anything like that. I was induced with my son and I almost had to have a c- section and I was so scared and delivered normally on the operating table. So I am a little nervous about the whole thing, but it is an excited nervous.

I know that my husband is quite nervous as well. But I think that is because he has been having dreams that I have died or there is something that has happened to the baby during delivery. I must admit I too have had these kinds of dreams but as far as I have heard they are normal. (I hope that they are)

So the day after I have the baby I am going into surgery to have my tubes tied. I have to go under with general anesthesia less than 24 hours after I have the baby. I don’t really know how to deal with that yet. I don’t think that anything is going to go bad because I trust the Doctors and Anesthesiologists to perform everything correctly, but there is always that chance. So that is a little nerve racking, but here’s hoping.

Well I don’t know if anyone noticed that I didn’t post anything yesterday or not but my great-grandfather died yesterday morning. He was 85 years old and a WW2 vet. He was married to my grandma for a little over 65 years. That is along time. But they were so good together, they took care of each other no matter what. You don’t see love like that anymore. When things get hard most people give up. It is just so hard, he is one of those people that was so strong that I never thought I would have to be with out him. I also know that he was suffering and it was time. Actually he was here about 1 year longer than we thought he would.

There were so many times that I had prepared myself for his passing and he would get better, and be fine. It has gone on like this for a couple of years. It was really hard to see. I know that he is in a better place depending on what you believe, but at least he is not gasping for air and suffering with all of the pain he was dealing with. I should have known that this was coming because they just put him in a care home considering that my great-grandmother could not care for him alone anymore. Well it was not her choice hospice basically told her that was what they were doing and she had better adjust. I cannot even begin to imagine what that must have felt like for her. They were married for over 65 years and never spent time away from one another. (Except for the war) That is an extremely difficult thing to understand. I do not know what to do with my self now when my husband is away. I cannot even begin to imagine what I would do with out him for the rest of my life. I am really afraid that I am going to loose her now that he is gone.

Have you ever thought that you had absolutely too much on your plate at once? My husband is starting his new business venture, I am trying to potty train my 3 year old, I am 8 months pregnant, our financial status is in the shitter, and now I just lost my grandfather that basically raised me. People keep telling me how sorry they are for me. I don’t want to be felt sorry for I just want to feel like I can make forward progress somewhere in my life.

I guess I just have a lot of miss placed anger towards a lot of people at the moment. I don’t really even know why I am angry I just don’t think I know how to cope any other way. I tried crying but that just made everything I was feeling worse. I tried ignoring it, and that didn’t work so I am just at a total loss for words on how to express what I am feeling. To tell the truth I don’t even really know how I am feeling.

One of the things that is the hardest is that he made us all promise that we would NOT have a service, celebration of life, or anything related to that. So he is going to be cremated and his final resting place will be in Portland, Oregon at the Willamette National Cemetery. That is where they put veterans here in Oregon.

I just hope that this pain won’t last forever and someday I will be able to move on from what I am feeling right now. I know that day will come I just wish that I had some idea of when.

I am sure that this post is more than you wanted to know about me and my family I just didn’t know where else I could vent with out hurting anyone’s feelings, and I have been told that when grieving that putting what you are feeling in writing it helps you to let go of them. So here’s hoping that it works. Thanks for reading if you actually made it all the way to the end through my ramblings.

It should be a joyous day when our two families are going to be joined right? Well not so much… Her Bridal Shower is on the 9th and I really don’t want to go. Well let me rephrase none of our family wants to go. By now I am sure that you think we are all jerks or something but really we aren’t. The problem stems from the fact that she is only 17, and he is 21. Her wedding is scheduled 2 or 3 days after her 18th birthday next month. But I think that we could even over look that in our family but then this is her FIRST BOYFRIEND and they have only been dating for the last 5 or 6 months. Come on grow a brain…. That is what I want to say as I smack her on the back of the head.

So my mom and grandma and even her dad are like can’t you talk to her and try to get her to change her mind? Well I am probably not going to be able to do anything to change her mind. But they seem to think that since I did the very same thing and made those mistakes that I am going to be more convincing? I ran off with a guy that was 36 when I was 18. (The day I turned 18) We got married, and he beat the hell out of me, all of which she knows. I didn’t listen to anyone what makes them think that she is any different? I don’t know is is really frustrating.

Then to top it off his family is really sick. Like in the head. They know exactly how long they have been together, how old she is etc. and they are pushing it. Almost demanding that they get married, so that they can live there with them. Like I said sick.

Looking back in the post I realized that I forgot a large factor in our frustration. She is not even pregnant. Not that it is a reason to get married or anything but it would make sense on why the urgency. I just wish that she would wait even if it was only 6 months, or live together for a while first because it is so hard to live with another person and she has had no life experiences to go off of. She was totally sheltered.

I guess that I had better get a gift though. I don’t think that even if she did want out of it at this point that his family would let her with out a fight. Oh what to do… I hate this situation.

Thanks for listening though…

This is my first post!!!!

I am so excited. Welcome to my blog. I have absolutely no idea what I am doing but I am managing to do it all on my own at the moment. I am so proud!!

My husband has a blog and all that good stuff and I usually just use his if I have something that I need to say. But I had mentioned casually that I would be interested in doing one and this is what he presented me with this evening. I am just so excited…

I hadn’t ever really thought about creating a blog until I discovered another womans blog and she asked me why I didn’t have one. Well I didn’t have a good answer… (kinda felt dumb to tell you the truth for not having an intelligent answer or at least a snappy comeback lol) But here is a link to her blog I am so grateful for her asking me that because I don’t think that I would have ever taken the initiative to do it on my own. So thank you for the push in the right direction.
I never would have found her blog had it not been for this wonderful thing that my husband set me up with called Stumble Upon. Now I am absolutely addicted to it and I can’t wait for updates.

Well Since this is my first post I guess I had better tell you a little bit about me. I am a 22 year old stay at home mom. I have a 3 year old boy named Alexander (Alex). Let me tell you he is a hand full. I am in the midst of having him tested for Autism so things are interesting to say the least. But then I have a beautiful daughter Catilin. She is 16 Months old. Boy is she sweet. (Well most of the time lol) My husband is a very devoted and loving father. I don’t know how I ever managed with out him. I am hoping that I never have to find out what I would do with out him again. Shaun (my hubby) is a web developer and works very hard creating websites, writing software, and what ever else it is that he does. I get confused. But that I blame on the pregnancy.

I didn’t realize that it was so late. Wow I have to go to bed or I will never get up in the morning. Have a good one…