10 Truths I have learned about Family and Kids

I was driving home from picking up my daughter yesterday and I was thinking about my next blog post. I was sitting waiting for the light to turn green listening to a friend be upset about her life. While listening I realized that there are 10 truths that I have learned in my life that always seem to be true.

1) Kids will be kids.

You can get mad at them for being kids but that only punishes you. Kids yell, make messes, don’t listen and can just be straight-up obtuse.  Yelling at your kids only makes you feel bad later. Try talking to your kids on their level. Not all kids respond to just talking, however for the most part they are just trying to get your attention for something. Positive or negative they will get the attention that they need. You however get to decide how you are going to deal with it.

2) Family First

Friends are awesome, and I don’t know where I would be in this life without them. That being said I have to say that my husband and kids come first. I know that it has been hard for some of my friends to accept because I am not able to go and do the things that I used to. Doesn’t mean that I don’t love and care about them like I used to. People grow up, or they are supposed to anyway.

3) Kids are expensive!!

Kids are so darned expensive. New clothes, because they hit a growth spurt, after school activities, and everything else that they need on a daily basis. My kids are currently doing Karate (doing very well at it, enjoying it, and I love every min of it as do they) I am a mother to an Orange Belt as well as a brand new littlest White Belt.  Alex’s first Tournament is in Feb. STOKED!! Okay I digressed, but they are awesome and expensive little critters.

4) Everyone needs something.

Everyone needs something that makes them happy in their lives. Even if it seems trivial, everyone needs something that makes them feel complete and like an individual. For me, its working out, and getting to watch General Hospital while the kids are at school. (I know its small and seems stupid probably, but it’s great for me) My husband has his daily trips to 7/11 (Since he works from home, its the only time he gets out of the house)

5) Make time for your partner/spouse

You don’t have spend every waking moment together, but you should try to make some time for eachother. Even if it is just watching a show or movie together at least 3 times a week cuddling on the couch. I think that having a date night is important for parents and couples as well but lets face it. Not everyone can get out once a week or even once a month. (I know that we can’t) There are things that we can do to keep things going at home. Spending some quiet time together after the kids go to bed, cuddling, sex of course. However, if you want it to work, take time to at least say I love you.

6) People change after kids

So many people wonder why parents can’t just jump on a plane and go away like they used to. Others think their kidless friends are suddenly assholes and stop working on those relationships. Take the time to make a phone call, write an email, even poke them on facebook if needed. Just let them know that you are still there and want to be friends. There is always an adjustment period, after kids, after a break-up, after getting married, just about everything requires an adjustment of some sort. Be Patient with your family and friends. No one knows what you are going thru unless you tell them.

7) Be informed

I can’t stress how important being informed is. Be informed about how your kids are doing in school, how your spouse is doing at work, what is going on in the lives of your loved ones. I wish people would be more informed about things in general, but if you can’t manage to be caught up on world affairs then at the very least know what’s going on in your own home. So many things can be prevented if you just know what is going on with the people that you love.

8) Family doesn’t have to be blood

I have learned the hard way that sometimes your family won’t be blood related to you, blood does not create some bond that cannot be broken. Trust does. If you have people in your life that are toxic get rid of them in your life. You don’t need that. No one does, its not easy, feelings will get hurt. But wouldn’t you rather live a happy and fulfilled life with out that one person that always makes you feel so toxic that you could throw up?

9) Let it go……

You have to let go of your ego. Not everyone is perfect. I know that I am not. I know that I will never be perfect, but I can be a better version of me than I was yesterday. I recognize that people say and do dumb things when they are angry, frustrated, scared, or just plain upset with life. Most of the time its not about you or even what you’re actually talking about. There is something else. So when someone says something insensitive to you and you’re upset. Let some of that go. Anger and resentment, doesn’t hurt the other person. It only hurts you. Sometimes you can’t change their attitude, or their point of view but you can change how you react to it.

10) Pick your battles

If it is something that you are really passionate about then, feel free to argue your point to your hearts content, but if in the grand scheme it is something that isn’t that big of a deal, then I would say just let it go for now. Make sure that when you are calm and can rationally talk about what hurt your feelings or made you so upset then do it then. Just remember, “Never go to bed mad” you never know if tomorrow will come.

Why are weekends so short?

I feel like I just got settled into my weekend and its already Sunday night and the kids are getting ready for bed and the school week.

This weekend was fairly uneventful, I was exhausted Friday evening after all the worry about my daughters meeting with her teacher. That went fairly well. I mean as well as can be expected. She went from being the top of her class of Kindergartners to kinda the bottom of her first grade class. Well she is young and needs some extra help learning how to use scissors and to cut on the lines. I feel bad about her not really knowing how to use them because it wasn’t ever something that I allowed my kids to do. With her older brother being an autist it wasn’t something that was allowed. It was dangerous for him and everyone else for there to be access even monitored to scissors. But we worked on it Saturday and she improved majorly!! I was proud. I drew a bunch of shapes and had her cut them out and showed her how to hold the scissors properly etc and she caught on quickly. Now just to keep practicing that skill and she will have it down pat. YAY!! The other thing was that she didn’t understand what it ment to draw yourself. Well she didn’t realize that they ment draw on the paper what you are wearing etc. So that’s something else that we worked on Saturday.

So as I am sure you have gathered Saturday was spend working on school stuff for Brinley and Caitlin as Alex was at his dads. However Saturday evening Caitlin and I had a blast out shopping for jeans. She is so fun to shop with. She likes playing dress up. But alas we needed school jeans and such, and we finished MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. It took what felt like forever this year getting all the school supplies and school clothes for all three kids but I made it!! Sanity mostly intact.

This afternoon I decided that I was going to make Chicken Pot Pies for dinner. I got the chicken mixture made. (I can’t tell you how much I love my Ninja for dicing veggies, its so easy and fast!!) I got the pie crusts made and put in the freezer for chilling, and tasted the mix again, then had husband taste the mix and we decided that it should be a nice thick soup instead. So I added rice and voila, a yummy thick and hearty dinner. I was thankful to have after a fairly cool day.

Today was kind of impressive. My husband whom is awesome at oh so many things (handyman just not being one of them) he is a software developer and is super handy with all the tech stuff in the house. Which is great, because if I break something like oh my laptop, or bring the home network down by muddling with something that I shouldn’t or by pure accident but most likely pure stupidity. Meh, it happens tho. More often than I would like for it to but it does. Anyways, back to what I was saying. The heater in the bathroom ceiling went out and ugh getting out of the shower in the morning to a cold bathroom SUCKS. After much trial and error trying to figure out which breaker went to the bathroom he got it all torn apart and diagnosed as to what we need to get it fixed. Don’t get me wrong he isn’t helpless when it comes to home repairs, he can handle his own. I was just really impressed that he took it apart and dealt with it while I was getting other things done. Now we at least know whats wrong with it, its just ordering the part and fixing it. That won’t be bad hopefully. I am a little dis-concerned that the entire thing is held together with a hand tightened screw tho…… That seems kind of well, dangerous. I can see it now, the fan/heater falling out of the ceiling and smacking me in the head. No because of him, but just any of them. Now that I know that they are just hanging in there kinda is well unnerving. I will never look at one the same again that’s for sure……

Well now with all of that completed for the weekend, I am totally exhausted. I shouldn’t be but I am. I wish that I had one more day of this weekend to hang out with my kids and husband but alas I don’t. Its time to brace for the busy week ahead for all of us. Doctors appointments, school stuff, homework, and the like. It will all get accomplished in time, just gotta pace myself I suppose and just take it day by day. Well, its time to relax and catch my breath before its time to get what is hopefully a great night of sleep.

 

Video Games

My husband and his best friend are very much into the Xbox 360 first person shooter games. I love the fact that they can sit and play as well as talk to one another about anything. I find it very interesting that it is such a unique way for them to bond.

I have been asked by several people about why I don’t get angry when he plays his game. So I have decided to use this post to clear up any misunderstandings about this.

First of all it happens to be a great stress reliever for him. After a really long and especially difficult day working from home or when he just needs some time to him self, I have found that this is more of his “man-cave”, and it seems to do wonders for him. It seems to be a way for him to express himself via an online source that is not his computer which he stares at what seems like all of the time.

Secondly I do happen to enjoy watching him play. I don’t really know why but it helps to relieve some stress for me as well. I have just begun to play Call of Duty; Modern Warfare, and don’t get me wrong I SUCK. However it seems to helped me to get over some of my motion sickness. Which is excellent, I did not used to be able to watch let alone play. I am able to sit on my bed and watch and learn. We have conversations and it is a good way for us to be together while both doing things that we enjoy, separately.

Thirdly; how can I complain when he works from home and is willing to stay home most evenings. Don’t get me wrong he comes out and spends some very quality time with our children during the day and after work. I just look at some of my friends and family whose husbands are out all night at the bar, gambling or god knows where else. How fortunate am I that my husband works hard all day, provides very well for our family, as well as having something that can entertain him when he needs to blow off some steam or just wants to play. With out having to worry about where he is, what he is doing, etc.

I am not saying that I don’t want for him to go out and do things because I encourage those things, but I just discover new ways that I love him even more every day. He is so patient (especially when I am not), he is so kind (hardly ever raises his voice, and never out of anger), he works soooo hard (which is something is so hard to find in a mid twenties man these days), he provides for his family in this tough economic time and he doesn’t complain when I don’t feel well and didn’t get something done.

So really I want to know, why would I be so demanding and horrible to take away his major source for stress relief? I just hope that maybe there will be a better understanding about this subject, not that I should have to justify anything in our marriage to anyone.

I know that I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and that I would hope that if I had a hobby, or an activity that I did once my children were asleep for the night that someone would not take that away from me. It is one of those don’t take my iPod with my Millionaire game and my Tap Tap Revenge 3 away. I don’t think that would be pretty.

I just wish that more people could discuss things without the feeling of judgment. I don’t think that it is fair to anyone involved, even the by standers near by. So when talking to your friends and family about life if something doesn’t make sense to you it does not mean that it is not the perfect solution for another person or family.

So many things to talk about; so many changes

I have been so out of touch lately that I have not even looked at my blog in just over a year it seems like.  There have just been so many things to do and things that I have done.  It has been crazy. I guess that I never thought that life would get so crazy that I wouldn’t work on my blog. I love writing here so much, and I feel really guilty that I have been gone from here for so long.

Well lets give a family update;

Shaun, My dearest husband. He got a new job. (Well in January of 2009) It is so neat, and I couldn’t be more proud of him and the work that he is doing. The company is a very small one in Northern Washington, and he has the ability to work from home which has been a blessing. I believe that there are only 7 people in the entire company. I remember when he started that I was really apprehensive about the change from a salaried person to an hourly wage. But it has all worked out wonderfully. He is finally being appreciated in a way that makes him enjoy his work. which is something that he was missing at his previous employer. This company is a very interesting one, and they do some very unique things which is a positive. The couple that are the owners of this business are deeply religious and very sweet. I do not believe that the wife (Maryann) has a mean bone in her body and is just a wonderful person, cook and mother. I have visited there with Shaun once for a Christmas party, and it was amazing, Just the simplicity of their lives and how at peace they are amongst the chaos that is most urban lives is just amazing. I wish that I could live like that. (sometimes)

However, with this new job have come new challenges as a married couple. Shaun is working from home now in our bedroom/office, so we are together all of the time. Even though we are together so much in the same house, we don’t really see him during the day. Unless he is hungry or is running low on nerd fuel. (Mountain Dew Code Red) I have to say that I really enjoy the time that he gets to spend with me and our children. It is so neat to think that even though he works himself to brain mush some days that he gets to see our children grow and learn things just about as much as I do.  I believe that we are so very fortunate in that regard and they don’t even know it. I guess all children are that way in some aspects. I am glad that they have a dad that is so involved in their lives. If they have a problem, want some Dairy Queen in the middle of the day right around break time or just need a hug from their dad he is always available. I love it, and so do they.

Our oldest child, Alex was asking me why all daddies couldn’t stay home and work. It was a tough sell to explain that there are different jobs around the world and mommies and daddies have to do them. It is just one of those things that he doesn’t realize about. I can’t complain about the comprehension of the workforce at 5 years old though. Lol

On Friday February 5th I have Alex’s preschool conference to discuss his transition into Kindergarten. I have to say that I am kinda nervous about this transition. Since Alex is autistic there are lots of challenges that must be over come on a daily basis and I am afraid that this transition will be quite difficult for him as well as us. For anyone who lives with autism everyday change is not too fun. I am so glad that he has completed a year and a half of preschool. I think that it has created some very wonderful progress for him especially in the area of speech. I can’t believe that just over 2 years ago he had about 20 words and how he has a wonderful vocabulary. Learning new words and pronunciations each day. White is my favorite word that he says now. He was saying wipe instead of white so now when he says it he says WhiTTe, with a ton of emphasis on the T. It’s great.

Our middle child Caitlin just turned 3 a few months ago and is doing very well. She is dang near fully potty trained. (Yay 2 down 1 to go.) It is such a nice feeling not to have to purchase two sizes or types of diapers. We are still keeping her in a pull up for night time and some times during naps. But I can’t really complain. It surely makes a package of pull ups last much longer. I can’t believe some times that she is only three. She is such a well behaved child. For the most part she is very soft spoken and loves everyone as well as everything. I think about what she will become as an adult some times, she is so intelligent like her father that I hope she becomes rocket scientist or cures cancer or something of that nature. But who knows and we will be proud of her no matter what she does or accomplishes. I just hope that it will be something great.

The baby in the family Brinley, boy oh boy is she a handful. I have to say that she keeps all of us on our toes. She like her sister is very smart and she knows it. I know that she is only 22 months old but she is getting herself undressed now (even when I don’t want her to) and she can count to 10. I was in shock the first time that she did it. I do have to say that she is truly my child, very outspoken, loud gosh is she loud and stubborn. But she is also very much her father’s child. She loves him so much that there are days that I am totally jealous because it seems like I am just chopped liver with onions. But I would feel horrible if she didn’t have an incredible relationship with her father. I do know however that she can operate my iPod better and more efficiently, she can operate a computer, send text messages via cell phone, and if it wasn’t for her I would have never discovered how to turn the subtitles on my television. She just hacked the cable box and got me to where I needed to be. I couldn’t believe it. I almost wonder if she will follow in her father’s footsteps and be a developer or something related to computers. She just loves them so much.

We are now living in a beautiful home in Keizer and are out of the flats of West Salem. (thank god) So Shaun has an office/bedroom where he can get some peace while working during the day. Our back yard has a fountain and pond, and we live right with a park right behind us. It is so wonderful and peaceful here. We live on a small dead end street with wonderful neighbors. There are no wild parties, no one is obnoxious or anything. Couldn’t ask for more, especially since we have a large beautiful kitchen with massive amounts of cupboard space and counter tops. The icing on the cake for me was that we have a large bathroom with walk in closet, linen closet as well as a very large SPA TUB!!! How wonderful is that? A spa tub. This house is so perfect for us that I can’t believe that we fell into it so perfectly. The only thing is that we are renting but the owner of the home is a very neat man and has taken care of anything that has come up during our tenancy no matter how small. I love it.

Living in Keizer has been very neat especially that there is Keizer Station so close. So nice in fact that my good friend just moved in across the street. She is expecting her third child in early April so we are enjoying that we are so close and can help one another out with out having to depend on our parents and grandparents. I think that it has helped us both as mothers since we can be so honest with one another about things that are going on in our lives with out fear of judgment from anyone else. It’s nice, and I really enjoy having someone that I can depend on and relate to so close. I am starting to work on her baby shower since she is having her first boy, and her husband says that their son cannot allow her baby boy to wear pink. I suppose that is a valid argument.

Well it is after 11 pm and I should be headed to bed here shortly, so I am going to go and utilize my spa tub so have a good night, and thanks for being patient with me after such a long dead period.