All things considered I am doing alright, but I sure feel miserable. I have been having really strong contractions, cramping and vomiting all day.  I called the nurse at my doctor’s office because I was unable to keep anything down all day, and of course what did they say? “Go in to the hospital and get checked” So I did  like I was told and they sent me home with an anti nausea pill.

I appreciate the anti nausea pills because I am tired of throwing up and I need to be all rested for Sunday. I was sitting in the hospital room and the nurse comes in to tell me that she ordered my pill, it just so happened that I asked her what kind she ordered and it was one of the one’s that I am allergic to. Nice…… Do they even look at the chart? Sometimes I wonder what the point in having bright red notices that say allergic to on them.

So now I am sitting in my bed eating what seems like everything in site because I am starving. I’m trying to relax and just get some rest, but that seems almost impossible some days. I have so many things that need to be done.

Such as

• Put the laundry away
• Dishes
• Vacuum
• Finish organizing the nursery
• Just clean up in general
• Mop the kitchen

There are just so many random things that I would like to accomplish before Sunday and I have to go to the hospital that I am not sure where to start. So for the moment I am sitting in my bed watching “Super Troopers” in my pajamas stuffing my face. I almost feel guilty, (like I said almost but not quite)

I am afraid that I am going to get up and do all of the things on my to do list and I am going to be warn out before I have to deliver on Sunday, and my body is going to stall out of who knows what. I am just paranoid.  I think that on some level I am just scared of the induction process.  The contractions are so much more sudden, strong, and intense than a natural labor, according to what I have heard and read on the internet. I was induced with the other kids so I don’t even know what a natural “normal” labor is even like. It is not like I haven’t been here before, so I know what I should be expecting I think it is just the fear of the pain. Who knows since every baby, and labor is so different.

So I am having this baby on Sunday! Finally…. I went to the Doctor on Wednesday and I am dilated and effaced enough to induce. I am so excited!!!!! The main reason that we are inducing (other than I am miserable) is because I am showing signs of preeclampsia. The sudden severe swelling, migraines, raising blood pressure, loss of hearing and vision. It’s horrible, and it is painful to say the least because of the swelling.

So Sunday March 23rd, 2008, at 8 am I am going to be going to the hospital and being induced. I hope that all goes well, and I don’t have to have a c-section or anything like that. I was induced with my son and I almost had to have a c- section and I was so scared and delivered normally on the operating table. So I am a little nervous about the whole thing, but it is an excited nervous.

I know that my husband is quite nervous as well. But I think that is because he has been having dreams that I have died or there is something that has happened to the baby during delivery. I must admit I too have had these kinds of dreams but as far as I have heard they are normal. (I hope that they are)

So the day after I have the baby I am going into surgery to have my tubes tied. I have to go under with general anesthesia less than 24 hours after I have the baby. I don’t really know how to deal with that yet. I don’t think that anything is going to go bad because I trust the Doctors and Anesthesiologists to perform everything correctly, but there is always that chance. So that is a little nerve racking, but here’s hoping.

I have absolutely too much crap stuff for our little place. We need to get a storage unit but they are so expensive!! I can’t believe it.  $45.00 for a  5 x 10 unit? Wow maybe I am just out of touch with the prices of things like that but wow.

I just want to get out the boxes of things that we are not using or do not have room for that we still want or need etc. It is just frustrating because I am supposed to be having this baby soon (like now) and I don’t have the room to get everything the way that I want it in my home. I suffer from clutter-itis. I never realized how many things that we had until I started putting other things in here for the impending baby.

I think that I am going to get one though just to make my life easier even if it is temporary.  I wonder how much those totes are so that I can get the things in boxes more secure and safe.

Oh well I guess more research is needed.

Here is a list of all the things I have been thinking about!!

1. Well I am wondering when I am going to finally have this baby. I am so sick and tired of being in pain and not being able to do anything about it.  I think that my husband is getting tired of it as well. I swear it took me all day yesterday to get some dishes done. I didn’t have alot to do but it took all day. I could stand for 10 min or so then I had to go and sit down for a while.  Oh well 13 days until my induction date!!! I according to my doctor have been in labor for over a week, but my body keeps stressing and stalling out. But since I am ok and so is she they won’t do anything to help me. Yeah it sucks.
2. My kids, What am I going to do with three? Why are we having a third? I don’t mean that I love any of them more than the others I am just stressing out about what I am going to do. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment and the kids share a room. I know that we are going to have to move soon, I just don’t know where. I don’t think that we can afford a more expensive place, which sucks because for what we pay we aren’t going to be able to get a larger place. Oh well…. Not much I can do about it at the moment.
3. Work, I start back to work on April 14th and my mom was supposed to be watching my kids. She said that she would and that we were just going to pay her. That was so easy.. Too easy. I got a call the other day from my mom saying that she was not going to watch them.  My step-dad doesn’t want the kids there when he gets home from work. He gets home at 4 ish and Shaun (my hubby) gets off work at 5pm so he would be there at about 5:15. That is just too much for my step-dad etc and he threw a fit. I am not too happy about that situation. I can find a place for my older children but Brinley is going to be just a couple of weeks old when I go back to work, and I don’t know of any daycare that takes children under 6 weeks old. Not thrilled with her at all….
4. Baby Shower, My mom waited until the last minute to send out the invites to my baby shower so none of my friends attended. Well one did, Mechele and her kids, and that was really nice to see her. But even most of my family that she invited had made other plans my then. I was very put out by that. When I am saying last minute I don’t mean a couple of weeks before I mean she MAILED the invites out on the 3rd and my shower was just this last Saturday the 8th. Most told me that they didn’t even get them till the 5th and 6th. By then it was too late. Then there are other people that were invited that just plain ignored it. I was not thrilled. Then they even had the nerve to call and ask me for a ride somewhere before my shower. I was not so happy about that but I did it any ways.
5. Friends, Have you ever had friends that just walk all over you all of the time? I swear most of my friends are that way. They do not call or seem to want to have anything to do with me unless they need something. It is frustrating and it hurts really bad. I am thinking of becoming a flake just so that I can fit in. I had not heard from several friends in weeks then they call because they need money etc. So tired of it.

Well I think that is just about enough belly aching for the moment.  It is just frustrating the way life plays out sometimes. Oh well have a good one, and I will yak at ya later.

I don’t know how long I can deal with this. I am stressing out because I am in pain, and I swear I am biting off everyone’s head this evening. Things that don’t normally bother me are driving me insane.

I have a three year old that is pushing ever single one of my buttons.

• He keeps getting in to my purse.
• Taking out the laces from all of our shoes.
• He hit me in the head with my own keys. (He dug in my purse took my keys and when I asked him to put them back he threw them at me and they hit me in the side of the head.)
• He grabbed my soda off the table and when I told him to put it back he threw it on my couch.

• He is allergic to chocolate so every time I turn around he has been sneaking around to get it and then vomiting everywhere.

My poor husband is so burnt out at work he wants to start his maternity leave early. I don’t think that this is a bad idea accept that what if she doesn’t come forever and he doesn’t have the time to spend with us at home when we need him. I wish that this was feasible but I am afraid that it just isn’t at this point. I almost selfishly want him home so that I don’t have to be alone while I am laboring. Is that selfish?

My husband’s best friend in the whole wide world just got into town from Tenn. for a funeral. His grandfather died so he is in town for the funeral. It will be wonderful to see him, even though I probably will not get the chance. The only free day that he is going to have is on Saturday. (The same day as my baby shower) So I am sure that I am going to miss out but what ever I am just hoping that Shaun will have the chance to get in some quality time with him. They have not seen one another in almost four years.

I just can not over come my frustrations this evening. I am in pain and everything is just pissing me off. Wow this is just getting to be too much. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have a suggestion? or two? maybe three? I think that I am going to need all of the help that I can get.

Well thanks for listening, even though I didn’t say a whole lot I feel better.