10 Truths I have learned about Family and Kids

I was driving home from picking up my daughter yesterday and I was thinking about my next blog post. I was sitting waiting for the light to turn green listening to a friend be upset about her life. While listening I realized that there are 10 truths that I have learned in my life that always seem to be true.

1) Kids will be kids.

You can get mad at them for being kids but that only punishes you. Kids yell, make messes, don’t listen and can just be straight-up obtuse.  Yelling at your kids only makes you feel bad later. Try talking to your kids on their level. Not all kids respond to just talking, however for the most part they are just trying to get your attention for something. Positive or negative they will get the attention that they need. You however get to decide how you are going to deal with it.

2) Family First

Friends are awesome, and I don’t know where I would be in this life without them. That being said I have to say that my husband and kids come first. I know that it has been hard for some of my friends to accept because I am not able to go and do the things that I used to. Doesn’t mean that I don’t love and care about them like I used to. People grow up, or they are supposed to anyway.

3) Kids are expensive!!

Kids are so darned expensive. New clothes, because they hit a growth spurt, after school activities, and everything else that they need on a daily basis. My kids are currently doing Karate (doing very well at it, enjoying it, and I love every min of it as do they) I am a mother to an Orange Belt as well as a brand new littlest White Belt.  Alex’s first Tournament is in Feb. STOKED!! Okay I digressed, but they are awesome and expensive little critters.

4) Everyone needs something.

Everyone needs something that makes them happy in their lives. Even if it seems trivial, everyone needs something that makes them feel complete and like an individual. For me, its working out, and getting to watch General Hospital while the kids are at school. (I know its small and seems stupid probably, but it’s great for me) My husband has his daily trips to 7/11 (Since he works from home, its the only time he gets out of the house)

5) Make time for your partner/spouse

You don’t have spend every waking moment together, but you should try to make some time for eachother. Even if it is just watching a show or movie together at least 3 times a week cuddling on the couch. I think that having a date night is important for parents and couples as well but lets face it. Not everyone can get out once a week or even once a month. (I know that we can’t) There are things that we can do to keep things going at home. Spending some quiet time together after the kids go to bed, cuddling, sex of course. However, if you want it to work, take time to at least say I love you.

6) People change after kids

So many people wonder why parents can’t just jump on a plane and go away like they used to. Others think their kidless friends are suddenly assholes and stop working on those relationships. Take the time to make a phone call, write an email, even poke them on facebook if needed. Just let them know that you are still there and want to be friends. There is always an adjustment period, after kids, after a break-up, after getting married, just about everything requires an adjustment of some sort. Be Patient with your family and friends. No one knows what you are going thru unless you tell them.

7) Be informed

I can’t stress how important being informed is. Be informed about how your kids are doing in school, how your spouse is doing at work, what is going on in the lives of your loved ones. I wish people would be more informed about things in general, but if you can’t manage to be caught up on world affairs then at the very least know what’s going on in your own home. So many things can be prevented if you just know what is going on with the people that you love.

8) Family doesn’t have to be blood

I have learned the hard way that sometimes your family won’t be blood related to you, blood does not create some bond that cannot be broken. Trust does. If you have people in your life that are toxic get rid of them in your life. You don’t need that. No one does, its not easy, feelings will get hurt. But wouldn’t you rather live a happy and fulfilled life with out that one person that always makes you feel so toxic that you could throw up?

9) Let it go……

You have to let go of your ego. Not everyone is perfect. I know that I am not. I know that I will never be perfect, but I can be a better version of me than I was yesterday. I recognize that people say and do dumb things when they are angry, frustrated, scared, or just plain upset with life. Most of the time its not about you or even what you’re actually talking about. There is something else. So when someone says something insensitive to you and you’re upset. Let some of that go. Anger and resentment, doesn’t hurt the other person. It only hurts you. Sometimes you can’t change their attitude, or their point of view but you can change how you react to it.

10) Pick your battles

If it is something that you are really passionate about then, feel free to argue your point to your hearts content, but if in the grand scheme it is something that isn’t that big of a deal, then I would say just let it go for now. Make sure that when you are calm and can rationally talk about what hurt your feelings or made you so upset then do it then. Just remember, “Never go to bed mad” you never know if tomorrow will come.

A sad day for the King Crab Fisherman.

I always thought that it would be a cold day in hell when Capt. Phil Harris of the Cornelia Marie would pass away. But it looks as if that day has come to pass. At the age of 53 he passed away a few hours ago. Our sadness is very overwhelming at the moment, as well as out thoughts and prayers are with Phil’s family and crew.

I as well as most of my family are avid Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel watchers and have been watching since the very first season. There is something about watching people do the most dangerous job in the world every week, knowing that it is not scripted, and that it is fiercely competitive but never to the point that they are not friends or extended family anymore.

I am sure that it sound crazy to some people that you would grow to care and worry about people that you don’t even know that are just on some TV show. But these men (and wives) are more than that, they are just like some crazy family that you want to be a part of. Even when they are so angry that they can’t even be in the same room let alone want to. They are such an important part of life on the Bering Sea as well.

I just know that this is a dark evening in our household and that we wish the best for Jake, Josh and the rest of Phil’s family as well as the rest of the fleet there in Dutch Harbor. I just want to say to Jake and Josh that you are very good boys and that I am sure your father would want you to take care of the Cornelia Marie and the crew by being the best captains/brothers that you can be. Know that most of the world is thinking about you and is sending you all of their well wishes. I know that we are.

Baby Teeth and the infamous cold that sticks around forever…

I have noticed that my youngest daughter is getting 7 teeth in all at once. Why do they have to hurt so bad? I just feel awful for her, four of them are her 2 year molars as well as her 3 of her incisors. One of the incisors has already come through but the other 7 are playing a painful game of peek a boo with her.

I don’t think that I would feel so badly for her except that it is virtually impossible to get medicine down this child. She vomits when you even come near her with the medicine, even baby Tylenol and Orajel. The last couple of nights have been almost pure hell because she is in pain and can’t sleep. Last night my poor husband and I were up until almost 4 am with her, taking turns holding and cuddling her. If you know my daughter you would know that she is probably one of the most anti-cuddling children that I have ever met. She is so independent and wants so badly to be grown. (Or at least bigger than she is) So yesterday we knew that it was getting pretty bad and she had to be absolutely miserable when she was sitting on my husbands lap and she fell asleep. We tried to put her in bed but she wasn’t having that so I took my turn to hold her and she fell asleep on me for a very short while. I think that I can recall the last time that happened and it was when she was in the hospital for several days, almost a year ago.

Poor baby.

Then to top it off our oldest child is very sick as well. The only upside to having Alex sick is that he can tell me what is wrong, where it hurts and if what I am doing is making a difference where as the baby cannot. So he I believe is coming down with a sinus infection because when I pressed on his sinuses he complained of pain. In addition to that he has congestion in his chest, a cough as well as a mild fever. So he is miserable as well but at least he will take his medicine with out too much of a complaint as long as he has something to wash it down. (preferably Apple Juice 🙂

I get so frustrated when my children are sick because I feel so helpless to fix what ails them. I am sure that most parents feel this way wishing that we had a magic wand that would make it all go away. Even if I had to deal with what they are going  through instead of them. Just something.  I am afraid that I am going to get what Alex has because when he is sick all he wants to do is sit with me and cuddle or hang all over me. I am not complaining about it I just wish that I wasn’t going to get it. It just seems like the kids get sick then me and lastly my husband, but then the kids get it again and the cycle just keeps on going. I feel like I am going to go crazy sometimes when we just pass an illness around and around and around, over and over again.

It is just hard sometimes because if the kids are sick even with a runny nose you are not supposed to send them to school which is fine for us because I am a stay at home parent. But then since some of the laws have changed in Oregon if your child misses more than one or two days of school ( I believe it could be more days than that) and you don’t bring in a Dr.’s note then they can call Child Services on you. I understand the purpose of the law but who takes their child to a Dr. every single time that they catch cold? I just feel that if your kid is sick then you have the right and responsibility to keep them home and seek medical attention if it gets worse, but for a stuffy nose and a light cough seems a bit over board. So what do you do? It feels like it is a catch 22, damned if you do but damned if you don’t.

Well the baby is quiet for the moment and Alex is I believe watching a movie in his room so this seems like the perfect opportunity for a little mommy time, so I am going to be headed for the shower and bed. I hope that you have a wonderful night and a great day tomorrow.

Why, do people file false police reports?

I have a friend who’s a very different type of person. She is very sweet but sometimes has a hard time asserting herself and I feel as though people take advantage of her kind heart. Just this week someone did something to her and her family that I find to be ridiculous and pretty much unforgivable.

It started that her child went to play at her friends house down the street. She had a set time that she needed to check-in by and then to be home by. No big deal we all have those stipulations on our children, nothing new. I know that I at least had those rules when I was her age (11). So her daughter did not check in, so my friend tried to phone the house and no one answered. My friend then decided a short while later that she should go over there and bring her daughter home because of the rule breaking.

When she arrived at the house she found out the the other little girls mother sent the two 11 year old girls down to a store about 3/4 of a mile away by themselves in the dark. NOT OK!! So my friend decided to stay and chat with the mother while waiting for the girls to arrive. The girls arrived about 10 -15 min later, and my friend was instructing her daughter that she needed to come home now because she was not doing right.

Well being that she is a willful young girl she refused to go home. She is not abused and is rarely grounded for more than the day so realistically she was just giving her mother a hard time. I can’t imagine any tween or teenager that has not done the same. I know that my children have and they are much younger than this child. So the friends mother being intoxicated decided that she would tell off my friend about being such a bad mother etc. she apparently called her many, many derogatory names, and was very violent towards her child as well as my friends daughter calling her some very bad names. Things that you just wouldn’t say to another woman or adult let alone to a child.

My friend told her daughter that it was time to go home and that he father was home and if she wanted to she could go home and cuddle up with him on the couch to watch a movie or something. This little girl was crying and very upset that she had just been called the worst name you can call a woman. So they started to leave.

This other mother (the abusive one) said that she was going to call the police because an 11 year old should not be allowed to cuddle with her father. I personally think that this is ridiculous because even as a grown woman I still cuddle with my father, why is that wrong? I would hope that my children would be close enough to their father to tell them anything as well as sit together to watch a movie. Really what is the harm in that. But this mother believed that it is sexual abuse to sit with your dad on the couch, for some reason which is totally absurd.

So as my friend was walking home the other mom called the police and tried to have the father arrested. She also alleged that the child was being abused physically and mentally which is not the cast. When the police arrived they talked to my friend and daughter as well as the father, it was determined that no crime had been committed but still, how horrible would it be to have the police show up at your front door all because of something completely stupid and false.

This morning at school her daughter was still a bit shaken because she feared that her father was going to be jailed even though he was cleared, (she just didn’t understand) and the little friend that she went walking with was telling the school and all of their friends that her mother was a lesbian (untrue) and that her father was a child molester (also untrue). So when my friends child asked the other girl about it and why she would say something like that, the other little girl called her a (word that shall remain unsaid) and my friends daughter slapped her. Of course the other little girl got off scott free and my friends daughter was suspended from school for a week.

Some one please tell me where the justice is in that. I have to say that if someone called me that name I would probably have slapped her too. Now don’t get me wrong I am not condoning school violence but I think that there was a mistake there. Now I don’t believe that the suspension was necessaraly the wrong thing but I think that BOTH girls should have been in trouble.

I just want to know why people feel the need to be cop callers just because they are unhappy about something stupid. I consider this action to be along the same lines as the people who call 911 because a fast food joint got their food wrong. I just really wish that people could grow up and act their age some days. It is so pathetic that it had to come to this. It was such a minor thing in the first place that should have never been blown into a situation having the police called. I guess that people just don’t realize that the father could have been jailed and the child taken into protective custody. I am just thankful that they had kind and understanding police officers that responded to the call. Thank you Salem Police Department.

Video Games

My husband and his best friend are very much into the Xbox 360 first person shooter games. I love the fact that they can sit and play as well as talk to one another about anything. I find it very interesting that it is such a unique way for them to bond.

I have been asked by several people about why I don’t get angry when he plays his game. So I have decided to use this post to clear up any misunderstandings about this.

First of all it happens to be a great stress reliever for him. After a really long and especially difficult day working from home or when he just needs some time to him self, I have found that this is more of his “man-cave”, and it seems to do wonders for him. It seems to be a way for him to express himself via an online source that is not his computer which he stares at what seems like all of the time.

Secondly I do happen to enjoy watching him play. I don’t really know why but it helps to relieve some stress for me as well. I have just begun to play Call of Duty; Modern Warfare, and don’t get me wrong I SUCK. However it seems to helped me to get over some of my motion sickness. Which is excellent, I did not used to be able to watch let alone play. I am able to sit on my bed and watch and learn. We have conversations and it is a good way for us to be together while both doing things that we enjoy, separately.

Thirdly; how can I complain when he works from home and is willing to stay home most evenings. Don’t get me wrong he comes out and spends some very quality time with our children during the day and after work. I just look at some of my friends and family whose husbands are out all night at the bar, gambling or god knows where else. How fortunate am I that my husband works hard all day, provides very well for our family, as well as having something that can entertain him when he needs to blow off some steam or just wants to play. With out having to worry about where he is, what he is doing, etc.

I am not saying that I don’t want for him to go out and do things because I encourage those things, but I just discover new ways that I love him even more every day. He is so patient (especially when I am not), he is so kind (hardly ever raises his voice, and never out of anger), he works soooo hard (which is something is so hard to find in a mid twenties man these days), he provides for his family in this tough economic time and he doesn’t complain when I don’t feel well and didn’t get something done.

So really I want to know, why would I be so demanding and horrible to take away his major source for stress relief? I just hope that maybe there will be a better understanding about this subject, not that I should have to justify anything in our marriage to anyone.

I know that I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and that I would hope that if I had a hobby, or an activity that I did once my children were asleep for the night that someone would not take that away from me. It is one of those don’t take my iPod with my Millionaire game and my Tap Tap Revenge 3 away. I don’t think that would be pretty.

I just wish that more people could discuss things without the feeling of judgment. I don’t think that it is fair to anyone involved, even the by standers near by. So when talking to your friends and family about life if something doesn’t make sense to you it does not mean that it is not the perfect solution for another person or family.